On Social circles, and growing old.
I've always been a pretty lazy person, self-admittedly. My complacency at maintaining friendships have garnered many a disdain snarl and plenty of tut-tuts when I miss gatherings of old friends.
Truth be told, I treasure the friendships. It is only because I know I cannot be pretentious, that I go easy on myself with regards to distancing myself from people. I cherish friendships but I am also a realist. Despite all our shared history, should academic course or geographical distance shear the relationship, allowances are to be made. One cannot expect to be able to spend the apportioned amount of time with a person whom life has just tossed in an entirely different direction. One must admit that life experience has moulded the two of you into 2 vastly different people from before, which has wrenched the both of you out of context.
Out of context, yes. But not out of each others' importance sphere. A glimpse of familiarity, a chance meeting, is enough to let a warm snazzy feeling coarse into my system unannounced. Then the guilt will let loose- why have I let chance absolutely dictate how I meet this person? Have I not been investing enough time and energy into the friendship?
Eventually I let the arresting feeling lose its grip on me, once I get excitably diverted to something else. It's only then that I realize that I'm not as a jerkified as I think I am. Haha. Because I have, too, emotionally invested myself in the people whom I am closest too. It's just that my social circle has shrunk itself very drastically, whittled down to the essentials. And before you look at me accusatorily now (Jean-you,-er,-anti-socialite!) think upon how you fare. (: It's a natural progression, honestly, unless your life is revolved around maintaining your relationships.
So kick me for this pragmatist tone. I do love nostalgia, though. (: Can't rationalize that away from me!!!!!!!!!!