To the girl who lifted me out of the gloomy spell
I haven't done this in awhile.
But to the girl who lifted me out of the gloomy spell with your one comment, I thank you for showing me that true joy emanates from you only when you're truly joyful.
For a while the only real laughter elicited from myself was when I sat alone in front of the TV watching Friends re-runs. I'd laugh at Phoebe changing her name accidentally to a kind of speedo, and her husband Mike trying to convince her to change it back when he sarcastically asked her to call him "crap bag". It's funnier played out with their acting and chemistry, lah. Well I missed when I could just sit with Ching laughing about anything in the world like names on chocolate wrappers and my singlemost inane comments,with her infectious laughter sonorous to my ears. Then there was little Esther (heh) who'd tickle me to no end with her occasionally weirdness, and of course, laughing at my dear Amanda laughing, not being able to stop.
The point of this entry is that I had forgotten how to laugh. I'd forgotten how to stop taking in the negative, I'd even forgotten how to make friends, be friendly, speak in singlish. I love singlish, by the way. I don't know why I've just become a grumpy old hag (or maybe always was) who'd grown cynical and unloving and ungrateful to the much I had on my platter.
"Let's not be gloomy,"
the girl who lifted me out of the gloomy spell told me.
Gloomy was such a cute word I wanted to tell her just that. But I was too surprised to say anything. Nobody had arrested my spiralling feelings with such queer, fairyland vocab describing the weather. Indeed, the picture of gloomy painted- always with a dark cloud hanging over my head, storms of life brewing endlessly, lightning ready to strike in all the same places. (According to Grissom, the Empire state building gets struck 20 times a year) Constantly digging yourself deeper into a hole without seeing how far you've come from the expedition, hating each day with the dread because you don't want to be battered with how much you've fallen short.
Ah-hah, I've succeeded in being gloomy already! See, how easily I descend to this whole mucky thing-
I must break away.
The next time you see me, please smile at me, reminding me to smile back. Lest I continue my love affair with the gloom.