Woke up realizing that a new day is dawning.
And now every day seems better than the day before!
This morning I'm glad I dragged myself out of bed to get a lift from my brother to school. Boy, was I blessed. The cool morning air and the scene at the gardens was lovely. I noticed 2 things in the gardens today; these 2 things really spoke to me and warmed my heart. The Lord never fails to send these little gifts when my soul is parched.
The first was the lone black swan making its morning glide over the pond from one end to the other. The ripples that marked ita way spread out rapidly, and the half of the pond he was swimming away from was left in great waves of ripples, no corner untouched. The message to me: Keep doing what you're doing, and though you may not know it, lives will change and others will be blessed. In the words of Mother Theresa, "Don't look for big things, just do small things with great love". Just keep swimming... (:
The second was a straggly weed growing at the side of the pavilion I was sitting at. Small and insignificant- but its beauty was in its inobtrusiveness and the 3 or 4 nondescript white flowers sticking out of its stalk. One would have to stare hard near the ground to realize that it was there. But once your eyes were fixed upon it, you would realize how beautiful it was in juxtaposition with the concrete nearby. And so it is for a lot of things. For the people who work quietly for Jesus, for the people who are rejected by men but still love with all their might- these are the truly beautiful ones. The message to me here was never to belittle the small and insignificant, especially in facing people who do not seem to meet my expectations. Because, who is to say my expectations were primary and important in the first place? My thinking is way too proud. :(
These 2 little gifts brightened up my day. Then I managed to do some work in the library after and chat with miscellaneous people. Had a good lunch with some year ones who brought me back to the lighter side of things. But in the library, I was bothered by the sobering thought of selfishness (again!). I can just exist in a bubble and concentrate on MY own work, MY own deadlines, MY own research, in the confines of my own silent 'space' and typing and reading and machinations. It is a horrifying thought, but as my friend put it, we are all selfish. It just matters to what degree and extent we are. But I ask myself, why should this be? There are some who live their lives in sacrifice for others. Who live for a cause, who live to be the best mother and wife for their family, who live to support their family financially, who live to serve their country, who live for their religion and give up their lives to be entirely His.
Heavy stuff. What am I living for? As a Christian, the answer should be obvious. "He fills me with delight... Jesus Christ is my Saviour and I walk in His light. He's my King, everything, I have is His own. Yes, I'm living for Jesus alone." One of the songs I used to sing in my pre-teens comes back to me at this point. The answer is obvious...right. But in practice, it's an entirely different story.
I may have a religion, I may be preaching a gospel that saves, but because of human weakness I sometimes don't live like I believe in that teaching. Because once I am selfish, it defeats the message of what I am preaching. Selfishness is the antithesis of Christianity. Christianity exalts God and tries to bury the self in the more glorious identity of belonging to someone else- "He's my King, everything, I have is His own." And with this identity, comes the voluntary commitment and enjoyment of giving more and more of yourself and your substance. Denying self, taking up the cross to follow him, leaving your mother and father, being a servant of all, being like a little child, just becomes a natural part of you.
But it's difficult, is it not? There are the cacophony of voices that ask you why you're being "so hard on yourself". Life is for "letting go". They tease you for being an ascetic monk or nun and scorn you for making particular life choices that narrow down the scope of your ability to enjoy life. But in actual fact, you are enjoying life. Just in a different way than most of the world sees. Then there are man-made rules that religious zealots impose on you, like the burdens that Pharisees laid on others which they cannot bear themselves. And lastly, what I have been thinking about lately, the paradigm of "selfishness" that creeps into your own being, no matter who you are, Christian or not.
This standard is not difficult to fulfill. It's very simple. You can be outwardly living for a religion or a cause and inwardly consumed with your own goals. So what I told myself yesterday- I've to constantly check on why I'm doing certain things, "constantly" meaning daily, hourly, asking God to help me live life for Him. I suppose that will make a difference. A life of watchfulness, a life of acknowledging my weakness without God. God knows I'm weak. He knows my mind will quickly go from one thing to the next without a care. But I know too that because He is my constant companion, I just need to remember that He is there by my side to help me break the shackles of my selfishness.
I end this post with a poem I recently penned based on this verse: "The light of the body is the eye: therefore when thine eye is single, thy whole body also is full of light; but when thine eye is evil, thy body also is full of darkness."- Luke 11:34
A single eye for the Cross
"Fix on thyself our single eye",
The earnest hymn-writer cries.
And how honest this must be,
Pleading for an eye to let me see!
A distracted eye flits to and fro,
Capturing shots of blinding lights.
A class act, a thespian's show,
I can't see what I really know.
Confusion and blur vision becomes.
What should I attend to first?
How might I succeed to win,
When I don't even know where to begin?
I need an eye, healthy, unchanged.
An eye focussed, single,
On where God remains.
A single look at the cross on the hill;
I know my Lord has overcome
Death and all evil.
A longing stare at the man on the cross;
With His humanity and divinity
He went thru my tempests tossed.
And when He declared one will be with Him in paradise,
Forgiveness for the broken await,
Without a death's reprise.
One look will depict His compassion in full,
How He cried to the Father
That they know not what they do.
And in the shadow of the cross, one can safely hide,
"Behold your mother, John"-
Weary hearts in comfort abide.
When on the cross, it was all done,
This beauty reminds me earthly things
Have a setting sun.
But if my eye remains on that cross of love,
I can bear my own cross,
And longingly gaze above.