Matters of the long-lost heart
How do you say no?- extract from Passion and Purity, Elizabeth Eliot at 185-186
"At a singles conference in the Northwest last month I was handed a blue slip of paper that said, 'How do you tell a guy/girl no? How do you keep a safe distance? I smiled inside, thinking of how simple the answer is. You can do it in 2 ways: the English language and body language. You say no, and you move away.
I'm always having to explain to people that when I say there is a simple answer I do not necessarily mean there is an easy answer. It's easy enough to understand- in other words, it's simple. But doing it is just plain hard. There is always that fundamental conflict going on: the good I want to do fighting the evil I don't want to do and the desire that seems to be so good in itself versus the deeper desire to love my Master above all others.
You have to ask for help. Held will most certainly be given...
Does that mean that my motives must be absolutely pure then? Does it mean I have to have finally resolved those conflicts mentioned above? If it did, I'd have no testimony to give. It ought to be quite plain in these pages that the conflict continued to rage. But the wills of two people had been offered to God. The love of their hearts had been committed. He helped us. He carried us through."
I've never been a fan of love, always shunning it, mocking it, belittling it, but in the words of someone in the movie Hitch, perhaps I have been a "realist masquerading as a cynic who is secretly an optimist." Besides, as my friend tried to convince me, isn't it the pinnacle of all human relationships? From a biblical perspective, isn't the woman-man relationship that which is supposed to mirror the relationship of Christ with the church?
Pah, I'd reply. A relationship that has been so tainted by the sin of mankind just reeks of pain, betrayal, selfishness. Its only fruit would be bitter, and leave some damaged children with its trail of destruction.
Why so serious? Ha, ha. Also, why so cynical, I ask myself? Maybe I've seen too many bad examples. Maybe I'm just a coward. Or maybe, just maybe, this isn't for me... yet.
Most of us in our 20s would acknowledge that love and relationships are at the foremost of our mind, as we desire companionship at this age, and in the words of my friend, I better hurry up get attached or my shelf life will expire. I realize that this is very true in the eyes of world- a woman post 30 years has less of a market value, especially an aggressive, career-obsessed, averse-to-domestic-work woman. Society views marriage as one of the necessary stages of engaging in a full human experience. Hence the pressure. And as I see my friends around me get attached one by one, I realize how real the pressure is, and how real the pangs of loneliness get...
But must I crave and pursue the object of human love just because I'm biologically made for this, NOW?
Don't get me wrong. I think love is a good thing, I really do, apart from my reservations above. But I think that I shouldn't be made to feel that I am inferior just because I'm not attached to somebody, at 22 years of age.
It's always been a controversial topic, the 'gift' of singleness. I believe both singlehood and marriage are gifts, and both are perfect gifts for the designated receipients at designated times, from the unchanging Father of lights up above.
I was just looking at my friend who has a newfound 'love' one day, and a little thought of covetousness popped into my mind- "How nice it would be to be in her position, have someone to love and to show love to."
Then another thought came in unexpectedly, "Jean, do you honestly think that you are worse off compared to her?"
I choose to believe it was the Spirit's prompting, as the thought directed me to my Quiet Time that morning, how, in Psalm 103 verse 17, I am blessed with a love of the Lord "from everlasting to everlasting". I can't even begin to quantify that. But I beamed inwardly. It was my flesh, my old man, trying to tell me that I NEEDED someone beside me. I NEEDED some to show me love, I NEEDED to get attached before I start work next year, I NEEDED all these things, and then, only then, would I be happier and more fulfilled.
What a lie! I am complete in Christ, and there is none that I desire besides Him (Psalms 73:25). Why should I succumb to this self-pitying, this idolatory? And so, at my emotionally vulnerable points, I want to combat the devil with this-
Get thee behind me, Satan. You wily, scheming devil, how dare you try to take me away from my Lord with enticing me with these soft things. Love is a gift from God, relationships are gifts from God, but so is singleness. Covetousness won't work on me, Satan, as long as God reminds me that I am His, and He is mine. I don't know what the future is, Satan, BUT I KNOW GOD HOLDS ME IN THE PALM OF HIS HAND and that YOU are defeated. I'm going to ask God to banish these Satanic thoughts and arm myself with scripture to ward them from my mind. You watch out!
So, with this, I end this post, reminding myself that there are some points in my life that I just have to say no. Say no to my own heart, say no to someone, say no to Satan. But I'll wrap my arms around my God and rest in His tender care and He'll show me the depths of love that I'll never reach in a human embrace.
On a night like this
Soft, the candlelit nights
Wrestling with my longings-
Heart, can you stop awhile
And listen to His faint calls?
He's telling you to turn off the radio
With its deceiving dreams
And run from the movies
With its portrait of unreal scenes.
But He's whispering to you
To open the Holy book
To let it sink, sink deep
It can only take a few looks.
It's the picture of perfect delight
Perfect ectstasy, perfect fulfillment.
If I obey and He abides in me,
He will manifest Himself clear.
And He will be dear,
He will ever be near,
He will cast away all fear,
He will bring good cheer.
Gone is the gloom,
The half-hearted vows,
The here-and-now, for
I HAVE MY GOD,
my Life
and my Love.
Love,
His servant and child,
Jean